


White Rabbit

by Check Your Reflection (little_valkyrie)



Series: Wonderland [1]
Category: Thor (2011)
Genre: Angst, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, stand alone from series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-03
Updated: 2012-08-03
Packaged: 2017-11-11 09:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/476952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_valkyrie/pseuds/Check%20Your%20Reflection
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki's thoughts as he falls through the void. Part one of Wonderland.</p><p>Loki angst written after listening to Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit”. Listened to the Thor soundtrack while writing it. So listen to both anyway they are really good. Maybe while reading it. Whatever. Do what you like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	White Rabbit

"I could have done it, Father! I could have done it! For you! For all of us!" I search vainly for any shred of approval. If Thor can be forgiven of starting a war surely there will be praise for trying to end it.

“No Loki.” That says it all. Nothing will ever be enough. I let my fingers slide from the cool metal of the spear and I hear my broth- no, Thor call after me.

‘He’s still a fool,” I think as the light from the only home I ever knew vanishes and the darkness consumes me ‘even if I killed him he would still love me in death from Hel.’

* * *

I am not sure how long I fall but at a point it feels like I have stopped. I do not even try to move, I close my eyes and I weep. I have failed everyone and I have failed myself, even my mother looked at me with eyes full of fear. And Thor with such anger.

I do not think either have looked at me in such a way, not with such intensity.

I have still yet to move, it feels as if noting in the area surrounding me has changed since I landed and so now should think that I am dead. But does one’s heart still beat in Hel? I do wonder.

I wonder of many things in this silent prison. Such as who else knew of my true parentage? Were there armies of people know of me in disgust of the monster I am? They all were laughing at me as I acted my part as a prince of Asgard in vain; mocking my effort to gain my father’s admiration with my tricks and magic.

* * *

Did my own mother even love me? Or did she just play her part like Odin?

Did she ever love me?

* * *

Who gave birth to me?

I know Laufey is the one who sired me but who birthed me? She clearly did not want me either, nor Laufey. Or else I would have never been found in that damned temple.

* * *

‘Please,’ I beg silently to no one, ‘I just want to go home.’

‘Let me go home.’

There is no plea, no spell, no path to lead me back home again.

I do not think I will ever be able to return.

* * *

I run.

I run until my legs buckle under me and I throw myself into the wall of this dark place. For a void filled with darkness there is still  a wall strong enough to scrape my face upon.

How strange for a wall to be here. Maybe there is a door.

When I can I run, searching for the end which never comes.

* * *

It feels like years since I feel. I feel so old. I am as weak as the oldest, frailest old merchant of Asgard. No longer can I even stand.

So I shall just sit here and wait for time to consume me.

* * *

And then a blue glow draws me up and pulls me out. I remain unseen, for my wounds have not healed and I have no intention of dying this day.

That man, he was one of those pitiful humans that Thor grew so fond of, and another are by the glowing stone and radiates power. Yes, this is what brought me from the darkness, my guiding star. I must have it, but I am too weak to take it. I think I will follow this Selvig man around and learn what he knows of this stone.

“Well, that’s worth a look.”

**Author's Note:**

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WANNqr-vcx0  
> Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit
> 
> First in Wonderland series.


End file.
